Chris Swain is the New and Improved Ronald Reagan for Presidential Candidate

Filed Under Media Anouncements, Policy Positions | 3 Comments

America has been yearning for another President like the “GREAT” Ronald Reagan. Well, the wait is over! Chris Swain is the only presidential candidate to come along who can fill the void that the Gipper has left this nation.

Presidential Candidate Swain’s views on evil are aligned with Ronaldus Magnus views. As a matter of fact, Chris Swain spoke of this during a recent interview at the “Conference For Keeping America Safe” rally in Duluth, Georgia before attending the Annual Georgia Gun Show. He said, “A vote for Chris Swain is a vote to continue Reagan’s war ‘In the Face of Evil: Ronald Reagan’s War in Word and Deed’ and keep American safe.”

Chris Swain said, “The stunned reporter was not familiar with the movie. I thought everyone has seen that highly awarded film showing Reagan kicking some major ass! If you haven’t I strongly suggest you see it today. ‘In the Face of Evil: Ronald Reagan’s War in Word and Deed’ pretty much sums up my stance on ‘The War on Terror’ and how I would deal with extreme radical thugs!”

When asked about how John McCain’s and Barak Obama’s stance on the issue Chris replied, “Those two clowns follow the Pee Wee Herman can’t we all get along approach to conflict. American just can’t afford to have Oprah and Dr. Phil in charge of foreign policy.”

Oct

17

Vote For Chris Swain Not the Worlds Biggest Boobs McCain and Obama Says Sexy Model

Filed Under Media Anouncements, What I Think of Barak Obama, What I Think of John McCain | 2 Comments

Why would a gorgeous model with the worlds biggest boobs want to vote for Chris Swain for President? Well, because both John McCain and Barak Obama are even bigger boobs!

When asked about Super Model Jennifer Stichen’s decision to undergo the surgery in her pursuit of obtaining the world’s biggest boobs candidate Chris Swain responded “Well I must admit, I do have a fondness for breasts. In my experience ‘bigger isn’t always better’ when we are talking about boobs. I’ve seen some pretty big boobs, but I wouldn’t be caught dead near them.”

He then added “Actually, I agree with a quote from one of my favorite movies ‘Weird Science’ when describing the perfect pair ‘Anything more than a handful you start getting yourself into trouble.’ However, to reference another of my favorite movies ‘Wedding Crashers’ that might run contrary to administering the ‘motor-boating maneuver’ to the ladies. Everyone knows I’m ALL about pleasuring the ladies so to answer your question I loved Jenny’s boobs before the surgery. There’s no way in hell I would touch ‘those boobs’ she’s sporting now.”

See for yourself why Chris Swain feels that way by watching the video. If it doesn’t load watch by clicking here.

Don’t Vote For Boobs

Woman Receives Largest Boobs - video powered by Metacafe

Oct

13

Chris Swain For President Official Campaign Announcement

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Today the official Chris Swain for President Campaign kicked off its effort to win the 2008 Election. There has been an enormous push by many grass-roots organizations to entice Chris Swain to enter the political arena.

The smoking hot babes at Maxim Magazine have been at the forefront of this nationwide movement. The Elect Chris Swain for President phenomenon is “deeply rooted inside” the of cover girls, runway models and swank beauties base within the country. However, don’t worry the support for candidate Swain is not just limited to a bunch of pin-up babes.

As a matter of fact, his support is very broad based. His campaign has vast support from real people. The middle class folks love him for his down to earth attitude towards mainstream values, the rich Wall Street fat cats admire his financial shrewdness, the military are refreshed by his take no B.S. attitude.

Surprisingly, the elderly love his spunk and cute butt. To show their extreme affection and support for their “Presidential Boy Toy” a massive group of “Bingo Playing Grandmothers” are so inspired by their candidate and one of Chris Swain’s favorite hit TV show “Sons of Anarchy” that they are strangely making a fashion statement to actually tattooing themselves right above their behind!

Who needs the “Hockey Moms” that Sarah Palin has swooped up when Chris Swain has the Nation’s Grannies clamoring for his political prowess on the issues! This new political icon is sure to make an impact on the presidential race with less than three weeks to go. “We are going to be peaking at the right time, just you wait and see who cross the finish line first” said a person close to the campaign on the condition of anonymity. They later added “Chris could out debate both the Empty Suit and Mav any time; any where even if he was nursing a hang-over and throwing up … bring it on.”

Stay tuned folks this story is developing fast!

Oct

12

Chris Swain to Officially Announce His Candidacy for President of United States

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In a year where the economy is in chaos and the stock market is in turmoil America needs a true economic heavy weight to grab the rein and reel in this huge downfall in the financial markets. Given the economy’s current ailment and after doing much soul searching Chris Swain has given into the tremendous grass root movement to run for president.

Because he is a real American patriot, and after much deliberation and consideration Chris Swain will officially announce his candidacy for president of the United States on Monday October 13 th around 3:00pm EST at his headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia.

Candidate Swain is working feverishly to bring together the most dynamic team of advisors to assemble his Cabinet. “We promise to keep the public abreast of this very fluid situation as more details come from team Swain headquarters” an unidentified spokesperson for Chris Swain for President announced late Sunday afternoon.